The Island (lyrics from an unused song)

I was on the island
I was on the island with you

We were both our younger selves again, just like before
While I sat on the bed you looked down at the floor
You hadn’t realised what we’d lost
What I would cost

It’s been four years
Maybe I’d still try and dry your tears
So why are you here
Maybe you’re just another fear
That I won’t address or confess

But this is all just a dream
A dream so meta that I could only wake up from a nightmare
I doubt the real you would care
But I’ll never know cause I won’t call or message you
I’m at a point where I can admit, I didn’t deserve your puffy eyes
Or your silky hair
I’m at a point in my life where I can admit,
Dreaming awake seems to be my mistake
Yeah dreaming awake is always a mistake

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Through The Looking Glass

Was I more or less than you thought I would be?
I know anxiety keeps biting me
While I look in your eyes
But I swear that this time I’m trying
Cause feeling like this doesn’t come naturally to me
Yet feeling like this towards you feels so natural
While there’s a catharsis to the way the touch of your breath swallows me

I’m looking through the glass strategically placed on your face
And not trying to find myself for once
Because there’s an element of you that makes my narcissism’s ego
Want all the attention on you
Your smile deserves it more than any inch of my skin

This is probably the most positive thing my pessimistic mind will say
But darling I adore you

I keep trying to find a fitting title for this but nothing seems to articulate how much you mean to me.

I’ll let you steal the glimmer in my eyes
So we can keep this light going
I’m still trying to find a way to make it up to you
Cause every-time I see you I still see pastel blue
I’m just glad you’ll give me another chance
Or so I hope that’s what this is

You’re all I want
To keep me pushing forward
You’re all I want
To help me with my self improvement

Maybe you’ll let me be golden again
And I promise I’ll take this one day at a time
Allow us to start over and destroy a house that doubt’s built

I’m lost in my head again
I’m trying to find a way to articulate how much I care
But I honestly swear that it’s more than I could put into words
According to the black hole in my chest
I’m allowing roses to grow in it’s place
While I hope they latch themselves onto you

You’re all I want
To keep my light from burning out
Your smile is all I want to see
When I wake up on a morning

Maybe you’ll let me be golden again
And I promise I’ll take this one day at a time
Allow us to start over and destroy a house that doubt’s built

It’s Been 1095 Days & My Beard Still Hasn’t Grown (Strung pt.2)

I’ve thought about cultivating a beard
For the last three years
While struggling to grow as a person
I just want you to tell me there’s some good
Left in me
‘Cause I feel like I was born with a leak
And everything that could’ve been profound within me
Just left

When your puffy eyes look at mine
I’m not looking for you to tell me what I want to hear
I like that you’re honest
I don’t want to rush too fast into all of this
‘Cause I’m scared of hurting you
And if I could stop that voice that doubts me
I’d replace it with your voice that’s calming me

I’ve spent the last four months
Obsessing over all my faults
And why they’re my fault
I promised myself that if I ever felt like this again
I’d give myself the chance
Happiness scares me and so does taking chances

I don’t think I deserve your pastel glow
But I just want you to know
That I appreciate everything you make me feel
And I’ll be thinking all of this when you’re laid next to me
Yet I’m still smiling at half three wanting to say
I’m really glad you like me because I really wanted you to.

The Tide

My once shaking hands, now steady themselves
While I try to create an imperfect phrase
To compliment your perfection
So I can see the glitter glisten in your eyes
I’m usually unable to stop my mouth from running
But I guess it wants to rest against your lips
While my hand wants to preserve the feeling on your cheek

No matter how far I strayed
It seems my feelings for you stayed
No matter how far I strayed
It seems my feelings for you stayed

The pump in my chest tries to keep up with
The beating of your heart
I’m hoping it can catch up
You’re turning the blood red in my head into pastel pinks
While I pessimistically and carefully fall for you

No matter how far I strayed
It seems my feelings for you stayed
No matter how far I strayed
It seems my feelings for you stayed

Wherever I run I can’t find another human
That can warm the cold like you
Your brown eyes have glistening seas in them
And a tide that pulls me closer with each glance
So wash over me and I’ll keep swimming in your moonlight

Obsession//Repression

My obsession with self-improvement
That’s leading me back into my self-destruction
I’m loving the dark clouds it brings overhead
Making me feel comfortable in self-pity
So why won’t you wallow in the filth with me

I don’t have my mother’s depression but I feel like I’m getting close
I’ve inherited my father’s repression stopping all these emotions from spilling out
The world’s full of doom so won’t you grab my hand
While I try to understand the thoughts swimming through me

Darling, your mascara’s on my chest
The glow from your eyes illuminating my bedsheets
Covered in cum and sweat
We’ve both been getting high on the chemicals
From our insides
But alas once this fades
Will our feelings be spared and will we still remain?

Bend my faith over itself and burn it on the alter
Maybe I can pray for a better day
But is there anything better than praying that you don’t clean
These dirty sheets that are going to remind me of you
When you’re gone

Strung

I kinda like the way your body detoxes mine
Making me feel clean again
There’s picture frames missing from the memories
Of you and I
I’m conflicted whether I should be feeling this
Or if I’m wanting to give this a miss

With that said it’s obvious that the two halves
That split me in two
Are always thinking of you

You’ve got me strung on our past
And how it’s moved too fast
I’d give it one more chance
If you’d give me another dance

I’m at a loss at for words
When you’re smiling at all the stupid things I do
The walls of my room are pastel blue
But I’m staring at a ceiling that’s porcelain like your skin
I’m pretty sure you realise how paper thin I am
Yet how complex everything surrounding this is

I can’t remember a life before you
Cause you’ve been running through my mind
But I can’t comprehend what you’re trying to find

You’ve got me strung on our past
And how it’s moved too fast
I’d give it one more chance
If you’d give me another dance

1095 Days

You make the plastic taste on my lips
Feel real once again
I never want to leave a bitter taste on yours
I’m hoping eventually you remove the synthetic feeling
And replace it with something more real
Now my blood, once flowing through these veins
Touches my skin because every part of me wants to be closer
To you

I don’t feel the blue
When I’m close to you

I’ve felt so many other souls
None of them can stop the cold
I’ve felt so many other souls
None of them can stop the cold

The chemicals, more natural than they’ve ever been
Keep drawing me to you
Dopamine acting like sunscreen to protect me from the heat
Your eyes radiate
And when you laugh I can physically see the sunlight reflecting off you
So light my moon in the night sky

I’ve felt so many other souls
None of them can stop the cold
I’ve felt so many other souls
None of them can stop the cold

God // Human

Honey, your eyes speak to me
I’m looking for God
So she can make me feel a little bit
More human
I hope you look both ways when running
Through my mind
But whichever path you take
It’ll end up gold

I can’t help thinking about the stardust
That’s glowing on your lips
But I really shouldn’t think about sunsets
Unless they’re in your eyes
I just wanna read the heat
While I’m feeling cold

I’m wanting to waste my time thinking about God
While I hope she’s thinking about me
I promise we don’t have to talk about anything real
When I’m coming down
Just don’t let me go

I can’t help thinking about the stardust
That’s glowing on your lips
But I really shouldn’t think about sunsets
Unless they’re in your eyes
I just wanna read the heat
While I’m feeling cold

Graduation & Infatuation (Smirnoff & Tango Dreams PT.2)

I’m still waiting for the graduation of my infatuation with you
I’ve been moving ever so slow
There’s a flow to all these words
There’s a flow to how I’ll always come back to you
I thought I’d be confident by now
You’re twenty-two this time
But everything feels like you’re twenty-one
And I wish we could start again

I know the coast is where your home is
But don’t me tell you gotta go
I wanna dance ever so slow with you
I know the coast is where your home is
But don’t me tell you gotta go
I wanna dance ever so slow with you

This is supposed to be a graduation ball
And I can’t help but want to fall back into your arms
I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t
Cause I sleep tight thinking about you
And I sleep alright when I dream of you
But I believe I can’t be awake if I’m thinking of you
I guess I’m out of my mind thinking a second chance
Is what you’d give me

I know the coast is where your home is
But don’t me tell you gotta go
I wanna dance ever so slow with you
I know the coast is where your home is
But don’t tell me you gotta go
I wanna dance ever so slow with you

I can feel, I can feel
You grab the grey clouds
And fill the space with a violet sky
You can feel, you can feel
My tears on your neck
While I keep whispering
“Please don’t go”
Cause I wanna dance ever so slow
With you.